Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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