Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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