Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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