Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need a beard to bite.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
