I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
