I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
