I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
