So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We just shotgunned beers for America
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
