I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
