have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
