I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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