She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
