YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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