i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
