Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
