thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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