Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
