A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize