I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
