This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
