I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
