Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
