Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I could fuck to npr.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
