She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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