i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
