And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
