i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
