When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize