she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
