I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
