Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize