: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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