Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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