Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
