I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
