you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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