covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
