ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
