Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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