Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
