I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
