Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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