they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
