you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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