I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
