I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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