I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize