So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Mom said you looked used
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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