I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize