I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
