I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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