The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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