apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
