A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Im part way to drunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
