My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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