apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
