I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
