she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
