WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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