Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
