so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
