Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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