im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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