Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
