I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
