Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
