Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
