remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize