on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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