Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize