Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
