I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
