idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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