My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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