Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
