Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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