You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
