Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize