We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
