Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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