youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
