Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
