I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
