Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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