Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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