And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
