Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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