hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My hand turned me down
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize