You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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