im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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