everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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