her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
