hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
