even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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