U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
