So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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