Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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