he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
