What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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