wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
