why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
