Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Randomize