If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
