So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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