I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
