You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
